


Phan

by CuriousThinker



Category: Phan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-07 03:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5442434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousThinker/pseuds/CuriousThinker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of Phan drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Imagine dan making cookies and Phil comes in from filming a video and says "dan that smells amazing" as he grabs his waist and tugs a little on his skinny jeans. "Why don't you take a break" Phil says as he turns dan around to kiss him. "Babe, this dough needs to be cool to roll into balls." Dan says turning to Phil kissing his neck. "So stick it in the fridge." Phil unzips dans pants and starts to pull them down. "Phil, what are-I'm trying to-" dan questions as he continues to shape the cookies into "1-inch round balls" Phil removes dans boxers and sucks dans dick. Dan rightly startled by his lovers actions drops the cookie he was forming and it lands right on Phil's head. They decide this could get dangerous and move to the bedroom.


	2. Squeaky mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My friend texted me a Dan Howell Facebook post and this happened

"What the fuck is that squeaky noise Dan?" "I don't know a mouse Phil?" "Did you leave it in the kitchen after we finished filming" "yeah I think lets go look for it" Dan said as he headed towards the kitchen "I hear it under the fridge!" He exclaims. "No, I think it's near the stove" Phil suggests as he enters "it sounds more near the cereal cupboard to me Phil." "I'm tired of looking and now I'm thirsty Dan. I'm gonna get some Fanta. Do you want some?" Phil asks as he open the fridge. "Dan." He says the most annoyed look upon his face. "What Phil?" He says as he searches the marshmallow cabinet "Babe, stop looking. I found it." "It was in the fri-" Dan says as he turns towards his mildly irritated lover. "Oh, wow." Dan tells Phil with a befuddled smirk before busting out into laughter. "We're two halves of a whole idiot."


	3. Bahama Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phan island get away

Dan and Phil are finally deciding to go on holiday together as an out couple they've chosen a cute quaint island retreat to the Bahamas but they don't have anything other than London rainy clothes and black everything so now they've got to go shopping for their holiday first online but then they can't try any of that online so they venture to "outside" and wander into a quirky shop things found in this shop include a feather boa..hat, a shirt made entirely out of chain mail and yarn, and Dan's new favorite Hawaiian shirt which happens to be the only thing he buys for the trip "so I can't buy anymore house plants but you can buy a shirt with house plants on it." Phil questions. "Yes. Now go see if that sorta matching one over there fits you." Dan demands. "I am not wearing that dan, But I'll try it on" Said Phil. Phil walks over to the rack where the shirt is hanging and tries to put it on. He gets one arm in and then as he moves to put his other arm in he hears it rip. Just a small unnoticeable tear at first so he decided to keep going "Phil, are you alright? I heard something rip." Dan walks over to his clumsy boyfriend "dan stop taking pictures of your shirt and help me put this on" Phil grumbles "okay, I don't think it fits." Just as dan says this Phil manages to get the shirt on comfortably only to realize that it's completely ripped. They quickly leave the store having already paid for dans shirt after shoving the once shirt now scrap of fabric in the bottom of a bin. "No one saw anything" they whisper to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you have a Phan scenario you'd like me to write or if you loved it


	4. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tricia goes to rehab because she's addicted to phan.

It's been 10 years since she was sent to rehab for her Phan addiction. Now she tells her children of the experience to warn of such sudden and unexpected disasters.

As she tucks her children into their beds her youngest Madelyne asks "Will you tell us a bedtime story Mama?" Her sister Faylln chimes in "Yeah! Will you? I want to hear intervention again." Tricia giggles "Alright. Lay down and I'll tell you again but then it's off to sleep. Okay." The two girls in unison agree "Okay Mama." 

Once upon a time there was a girl named Tricia who had become obsessed with two British men named Dan and Phil and together known as 'Phan'. Her friend "I'm Sending you to Phan rehab Tricia." Taylor said to her addicted friend. "I agree it's gotten that bad, my addiction to Phan is worse than Phil’s house plant addiction." Tricia replies as she opens a new Phan fiction. Two men in skinny jeans and V necks come pick her up and put her in a Wi-Fi enabled black van. They put a mask over her head and buckle her into a seat along the side of the van. When Tricia arrives at the building she sees a no Wi-Fi sign and starts rationing her cell data when she walks in the building and sees she's got no service and she begins to sob. She manages to save a Phan vine and add a video to YouTube offline. On the second month of Tricia's 6-month rehab stint her phone is confiscated and she throws such a fit they have to sedate her. When she comes to she's been placed in a room with three other people. There's a girl who is just repeating the pumpkin spice pumpkin cookies baking video They're a level four and Tricia is a level two they become fast friends. The other two people are huddled in a corner together. The room is quite cold to keep the patients awake and prevent them from sleeping or dreaming of Phan. She passes two months in this room with no access to Phan other than her friend who just repeats the baking video nonstop. It's now month five and she has improved greatly since they took her friend away on a stretcher they overdosed on Phan and were taken to a specialized hospital. She hardly thinks of Phan having children and naming one dil anymore. She’s started to plan A life for herself outside of Phan she even decides to become a youtuber herself. Two weeks later a new person comes in and they've got a personal Phan video from Vidcon. The video says "Hi. I'm Dan and I'm Phil! so glad we've ventured outside to meet you! You're great and your tumblah is bloody brilliant." The two of them get caught and they're put into an intensive therapy. For last month Tricia is a level four. In therapy she talks so much it becomes basically all she does. She's always venting about Phan. After a month of Phan venting it's her last day at this rehab. She's made it. Tricia is a recovering phanaholic. She's gotten her degree and has become a behavioral analyst for the FBI's BAU. Her dream job.


	5. The Cactus Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut, awful writing, tatinof, a cactus.

Dan and Phil are rehearsing for their tour they’ve just finished tonight’s rehearsal and phil takes dan into the prop closet to fuck his butt “Dan get the cactus” phil says in his aggressive voice. “phil it’s a real cactus what are you going to do with it” dan says cautiously as he bends over to get the cactus. Phil attempts to rip dans sequin pants off. “PHIL this is the only pair I have for the entire tour do not rip them” dan snaps as he takes all his clothes off phil gives him his dot yell at me look and spanks him as he grabs the cactus from dan and shoves it up dans butt dan moans and orgasms they spend the evening picking cactus spikes out of each other. The End

Moral of the story: **don't fuck a cactus**


End file.
